I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
