You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
