see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
