one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
