3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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