We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
