dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Jerry, you need to find god
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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