fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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