I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
