billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
