Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is wine microwaveable?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
