She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
as a side note pls kill me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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