I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
