11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
