I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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