I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
