This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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