The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
