you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
