dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
