Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
