Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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