First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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