Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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