i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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