i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
