I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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