Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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