I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She bit a glass in half.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Couch. On fire.
Randomize