I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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