he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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