Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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