The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
