His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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