If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
