I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
