so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
