The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
