I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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