My room smells like vodka and shame
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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