K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
