You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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