Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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