Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
