Your face is a jimmy john
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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