I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
