I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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