Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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