guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
