I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
