all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
