Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
