oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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