I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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