i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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