She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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