I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
