He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
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will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
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I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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