Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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