Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
