OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
