you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
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