so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
