tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
