dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
