Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
