id be glad to
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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I understand Curling. That high.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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