I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
