She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
