Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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