and i looked up. we had an audience...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
