i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
